WHAT DOES GOD SEE, WHEN HE SEES YOU?

This was the question presented to our congregation one Wednesday night. As I sat surrounded by a hundred or so other members, a mixture of young and old, I wondered what their answers might be. It’s a tough question, at least for me. I think what God sees and what I want Him to see, are two very different things.

I want Him to see a daughter He is proud of, and a woman who has it together all the time.

My personal definition of “together” would mean that I am an image of the Proverbs 31 Woman. Go big or go home right. Don’t most Christian women want to be just like her? She has her life all together and looks good doing it.

I want God to look at me and see a wife that is amazing to her husband 24/7. I want Him to see that I enrich his life, only adding good, and never causing harm. I want God to see a woman who fixed her family a great breakfast and has dinner on the table at a decent hour every night. While I’m at it, let’s make it healthy and nutritious too. I want Him to see a stocked pantry and a full fridge all the time. I want Him to see a prepared to-do list in the morning, and that every task is checked off by night. I want Him to see me put in eight hours at my job joyfully, purposely, and without a single complaint. I want God to see a woman who invests her earnings carefully into her family’s future.

I want Him to see me spending my time wisely, efficiently, and productively. I want Him to see piles of clean folded laundry that have been put away just right. I want Him to see that I treat my body like a temple, placing a priority on my health. I want Him to see that my girls are clean and dressed to perfection.

I want Him to see me clothed in my best, hair curled, nails painted, eyelashes done, and wearing the perfect shade of lip stick. I want God to see that I stopped to help that struggling mother. That I paid it forward in the McDonald’s line, and my tithe to the church was paid in full and I gave it with a giving heart. I want Him to see that I volunteer to serve my church and my community at every possible opportunity.

I want Him to see a daughter that is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs without fear of the future. I want Him to see a daughter that speaks her words wisely and gives instructions with kindness. I want Him to see a daughter whose household is kept “company clean” all the time. I want Him to see a wife worthy of praise and my children arising and calling me blessed.

Does God see that I’m really just a mess?

The thing is I’m not that woman. I promised to be honest, open, and transparent. As I look back over the past few weeks there have been moments when I was short with my husband. There were moments when I had a hundred things going through my mind and didn’t pay attention to his every word. There were moments when I should have leaned into him and encouraged him, but I simply wasn’t focused enough to do so.

In all honesty, some of his success in his career and relationships have made me a bit envious. When I should have focused on being a supportive and encouraging wife, I found myself wanting to compete and compare. Which placed tension between us. I’ve said things that I wish I hadn’t and I’ve hurt his feelings.

Make breakfast? Does a PopTart count? I make dinner when I can. I try to pick healthy options. But let’s be real, we ate hot dogs and french fries last night and fast food the night before.

My list of things to do feels never-ending. Checking every task off at the end of the day seems almost impossible. I’m beginning to feel restless at my 8-5, and I’m ready for a season of change. I work with purpose daily, but I’m struggling to find joy within the work. Sometimes I must bite my tongue to hold back all my complaints.

We are a young family of four, living in society today, of course we have debt. Sometimes it seems overwhelming, like it will never end, and continues to grow. We try hard to invest our money wisely… but I’m always worried that I’m not planning well enough for our future.

Spend my time wisely, efficiently, and productively? I just lost a half hour to Facebook and another to Pinterest. Yet the three loads of clean laundry are still setting beside me begging to be folded. My children are always a priority. Their needs are always met, my time happily devoted to their homework, afterschool activities, and varies sports. They are always dressed well, but as I look at my youngest her ponytail is a mess and I’m sure she still has ketchup on her face from dinner.

Me, I work from home, I didn’t have to leave the house today. My nails are chipped from doing dishes, my hair is in a messy bun and I’m getting life done…in my ripped jeans and t-shirt. Workout? Skipped it today and yesterday, nailed it Monday and Tuesday. I can’t remember the last physical I had, everyone comes before me, and I never really think about my health. I’m more focused on them than me.

I do volunteer to serve at our church in a variety of areas, but I’m not active in our community at all. I’d love to consider foster care, but keep putting it off. We tithe weekly, but I rarely give anything extra, because our tithe alone is hard to give sometimes. There are times I feel weak and defeated in life. I look to the future and I’m scared and overwhelmed, like a deer in the head lights, not knowing which way to turn.

I’m ashamed to admit that I can be mean, that I can be sucked into the gossip mill, and things come out of my mouth that I truly regret later. I’m positive my vocabulary has words in it that hers would never include. I’m ashamed to admit that I can become overwhelmed with my daily responsibilities and overcome with anxiety, turning into a crabby snappy mama more often than I would like.

I’m not sure I’m deserving of praise from my husband or that my children will ever call me blessed.

There are days I’m simply just a mess.

What I know God sees.

In all reality, I hope He sees that yes, I am a mess. That yes, I may not be who I want to be, but I’m not who I used to be. I may not be a spitting image of the Proverbs 31 Woman, but I do think its good to have goals. Mine are ambitious and I’m working on them daily.

I know that my Heavenly Father looks down on me and sees that I love Him, that I love my family, and I spend my days caring for His people. I know He sees that I dedicate time to prayer, to scripture, and to worship every day. I know He sees a woman who is committed to placing Him first in her life, and making sure that my family does too. I know He sees me teaching my daughters His word, praying with them, and making sure that every Sunday morning and most Wednesday nights they are where they need to be.

I know He sees a woman who is dedicated to her church and her career. He doesn’t see a perfect wife or mother, but I know He sees that I’m trying my best, and with His grace and mercy I’m closer to achieving my goals every day. When He sees my home, I know He not only sees a little bit of dust, maybe a few dirty dishes, a few scattered toys, and a never-ending amount of laundry, but that He also sees the love I’ve poured into it making it a warm and inviting sanctuary for my family. I know He’s heard the prayers I’ve prayed in these rooms.

When God sees me, I wish He’d only see a perfect daughter, a woman with it all together, all the time. If He was to see me right now, pouring my heart out on my laptop in my t-shirt and ripped jeans, I know at the very least He would see a strong, faithful, and obedient daughter. A daughter that is placing Him first in all aspects of her life and trying her best to be available and teachable.

I don’t need to be perfect, because He is. He is amazingly perfect in every way, and I find comfort in knowing that even on my worst days, I can call on Him and He will help this mess. I will never be enough on my own, but I thank God daily that with Him I can be everything I need to be.

What does God see when He sees you?

I think it’s important to answer this question.

Take a moment and do a self-analysis. If we don’t stop and take a moment to truly look at our lives, how will we know the area’s that need adjustments and improvements?  How will we determine the goals we need to set and work towards in obtaining a God first life?

One day we will meet Jesus and we will be asked to give an account on how we used our time, our talents, and our treasures.

We will be asked about our obedience and our faithfulness.

When I finally get to meet Jesus, I want to have those answers ready, and I want to hear Him say to me “I saw you, and you did well”. 

My darling friend, I want this for you too!

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