Am I A Noah?

This was the question presented to our congregation a few weeks ago by our senior pastor.

Are you a Noah?

My first response was no, I don’t think I’m anything like Noah.

Noah was chosen by God to serve Him.

He asked Noah to build the Ark.

God sent down a great flood on the world because of its wickedness. The ship built by Noah would be used to save his family and two of every kind of animal from this great flood.

God knew Noah was a righteous man.

God confided in Noah.

God trusted Noah.

Noah was obedient to God’s request, and put all God’s plans into action.

Noah was a hero.

No, I’m defiantly not a Noah.

This sermon hits me in a particular weak moment. Coming at me during a time when I suddenly find myself uncertain of my next steps, and even stumbling backwards.

So here is my heart. Because maybe you can relate. Maybe you’ll understand.

Six months ago I began to write as an act of obedience to God. I knew what He was asking me to do, and I wanted to obey. I launched Letting His Light Shine and since then I’ve posted over 40 blog post, most recently finishing an entire nine post series titled 8 Spiritual Disciplines. God has been by my side the entire time, there is no other explanation, and it’s been amazing.

But along with writing, came the job of self promotion. Self promotion is something I find very little joy in. It is stressful, time-consuming, and honestly mind-boggling because social media platforms are constantly changing. At times it feels hopeless to actually gain momentum in the blogging world. My note pad is empty, and suddenly all motivation to write has been lost. I find myself wondering if I’m making a difference. I find myself wondering why He chose me.

I recently accepted a leadership position within my church. I’m excited about it, but once again find myself in unfamiliar waters. In fact, a flood would seem accurate. I’m finding myself with a microphone in my hand trying to encourage, inspire, and unit a team, while communicating clearly and concisely. Responsibilities are piling up, and I’m trying to find more time to give. I was already struggling with finding time to do everything else. I’m spread so thin most days that I can’t seem to catch my breath.

To say that I’m uncomfortable in the “spot light’ would be an understatement. I can literally feel my stomach become nauseous and my face flush as I make my way to the front of about 30 or so people each Sunday morning, praying that my mouth and brain would connect, and words would come out that make sense. They keep asking me if I’m ready to go on stage, in front of hundreds of people. I keep asking for just a few more weeks before we more forward. I find myself wondering why they chose me? Surly there was someone else? Someone else could do better.

I’m timid. I’m afraid of failure. I don’t want to disappoint God, my readers, or anyone else.

The confidence I had gained over the past six months has started to diminish. I feel a bit hopeless and a bit lost.

I have to confess to you that my laptop sat untouched for two weeks, and during that time I logged off Letting His Light Shine’s Facebook, Instagram, & Pinterest pages.

You see where Noah stepped up in the radical request God made upon His life, I started to step back. As I felt God asking me to dig deeper inside myself, I started to panic.

I thought I was ready to keep pushing forward, one foot in front of the other, in the direction I truly felt God calling me towards, but suddenly I found myself uncertain. Frozen.

You see where Noah stepped forward and prepared for something that no one around Him understood, I’ve found myself stuck. To afraid to look forward, and overwhelmed by the present.

I honestly thought about quitting, just walking away altogether. From Letting His Light Shine and from my church. Convinced that it would be easier to quite now, then continue to place one foot in front of the other moving forward deeper and deeper.

I wonder if Noah had the same thoughts?

Did he toss and turn at night wondering if he heard God right?

Did he ever think that this was just too much?

That the call on his life seemed way to big and that maybe just putting the hammer down would be so much easier?

Less stressful?

Did he ever think that just blending in and fitting in was better than stepping out in faith?

My pastor says we must stay focused, committed, and driven in the plans that God has for us. That we should never let intimidation keep us from living a God first life.

A part of me is left longing to be a Noah.

I want to answer God’s call.

I want to muster enough courage to walk through the doors that He is opening without hesitation or second guesses.

I want to live a righteous life.

I want to seek God’s approval more than the approval of others.

I want to remember always that Christ is in me, I am enough and I will not fail.

Letting His Light Shine is my Ark. It is the thing I am building for God. To honor Him and praise Him. To spread His light and make the name of Jesus famous.  I will continue to build it one word at a time. I want to encourage and inspire others in their belief. I want to teach. This wrecks my world as a passion develops inside me I can’t quite grasp. I want to write blog post, devotionals, and maybe even a Bible study? I can’t begin to process these thoughts, because seven months ago I wasn’t even a writer. But I’ll keep moving forward, relying on God, because He has brought me this far.

I want to be a part of something that is greater than myself. I want to help build The Church, and as I watch mine grow and expand I am excited to see what the future holds. I want to be part of life change, because with everything inside of me I believe everyone needs Jesus. It’s my prayer that everyone would come to know His love like I have. So I’ll continue to pick up that microphone, pushing down fear each time, until only confidence is left. I’ll continue to try to encourage and lead others with my whole heart, tapping into the  passion I know God has instilled within me. I’ll keep asking Him to use me to serve others, my church, and Him.

I want God to give me a task, and me see it all the way through. Just like Noah did. Adjusting, adapting, and maturing in my faith and growing with each step.

I will continue to be obedient.

I will not let intimidation and fear limit my walk with God, because I love Him, I know my Savior, and I’m filled with the Holy Spirit. Therefore how can I be afraid, I only need to keep placing one foot in front of the other.

I will place every bit of my life back in His hands, and repent for allowing my faith to begin to waver. For almost letting the enemy convince me that I would be better off quitting.

Maybe I am like Noah after all.

Some days I feel a bit like Noah.

Maybe we should all strive to be a Noah.

Sometimes quitting will seem easier than digging deeper and continuing to move forward.  I think we all have an “ark” that we are trying to build, or maybe just keep a float. Maybe your “ark” looks similar to mine, or maybe it’s your household, your marriage, your finances, or your career? Maybe something entirely different. The truth is, God has given us all an “ark”, and I want to encourage you not to give up on building yours. When God places you in unfamiliar deep waters, when challenges arise and tough decisions need to be made, and you feel scared and a little alone, be a Noah. Push through and keep moving forward. God placed you exactly where you are, because He knows you can handle it, and He has a plan for you. Keep building. Keep your head up. Whatever you do don’t quit. The deeper the water, the greater the growth. The greater your struggle, the bigger the blessing is on the other side. Keep placing one foot in front of the other.

 You can do this beautiful, and you are never alone. You are a Noah and God is with you.

I would LOVE to connect with you! Please like and follow along on Facebook, Instagram, & Pinterest. Before you leave today, make sure you subscribe! As always, I’d LOVE to read your thoughts on this post in the comments!

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I am forever grateful for a pastor, in south central Kentucky, who let’s God lead Him, even when he’s not sure who the message is for.